Off For Europe

It has been 22 years in the making, but my great return to Europe is about to happen. We leave tomorrow for two weeks. We fly on Virgin Atlantic from here to Heathrow, and then hop a British Airways flight to Amsterdam where we will stay for 5 days. We have about 200 things that we want to do there, but will probably narrow it down to seeing a few of the main museums, the medical museum as well as reconnecting with some friends. 

We will then take a train from Amsterdam to Paris. A four hour ride that should be lovely. We will then stay in Paris for a week. The first time I was in Paris, 22 years ago, I was alone and I thought then that it was ridiculous to be in this beautiful, romantic city all by myself. That situation will be corrected this time as I will be there with K******. 

To be honest, we are both nervous and still a little numb to the fact that we are actually going. But come tomorrow at 4:30, when we are settled into our Virgin Atlantic seats, it will start to become more real. 

So stay tuned as I will be posting updates on the trip for any and all to enjoy.

The Fear of Success

I know, it's funny. Who would be afraid of success right? I mean, success is what we all dream of, or at least we here in America are taught from very early on that success is something to be desired, something to be aspired to.

Be it financial success, fame, a healthy family and house...success, while defined in many different ways, is still the thing that we are told is the the thing to have.

So, now that I find myself suddenly faced with the very real possibility of achieving success, why am I hesitant to step through and commit myself to going for it?

Sure, the success that I am being presented is in the form of an opportunity that has never been offered to me before. The opportunity to step into a true leadership role in a company and start defining its culture and future from the beginning. I will finally be in the position to be the guy who makes the decisions about how the company handles itself, how it conducts its business and how it treats its employees, customers and the public. I can be the guy who I used to grumble about. I can be the jerk who we all can't believe did that stupid thing. I'll be the guy that gets whispered about in the break room because of some stupid decision or policy or idea that I had...or simply be the guy that somebody hates just because I am "that guy".

But what is really worrying me is not that I may be disliked. It is that I know that this role will require me to reach beyond who I have come to believe myself to be. I have been the observer who does his job and jokes about the absurd decisions because I knew that I had nothing to do with those decisions, and that I had no power whatsoever to affect anything, aside from the quality of my own work. 

The reason that I am being offered this opportunity is because someone believes that he has seen the potential in me, and he believes hat I am capable of being that guy.

And that is what terrifies me, his belief in me. His belief does come with very high expectations. He expects me to be the person that he thinks I am. I wonder if I really am that person. I want to believe that I am, but the fear is that I really am not and will disappoint him as well as myself in a huge and devastating way.